Friday, December 18, 2009

Tender Mercies

I write this sincerely hoping that it doesn't come off arrogantly or "holier than thou" because...well, because I don't feel that way and because I look on this more in the vein of being a tender mercy of the Lord to me to boost my own deep-seated insecurities.

El Guapo and I are both converts to our chosen faith and as such, I frequently felt (feel?) like I was (am?) flying blind as a mother. As wonderful as my own parents are I didn't grow up in a home where things like FHE or family prayer and scripture study were put into regular practice. I really had no idea how to implement them. And consistency? Ummm...yeah...not really my strong suit...

And so sometimes I wonder. Did I do it right? Will they be okay? And the suspense is killing me. Because we're not there yet and I'm really bad with suspense.

Every once in a while though the Good Lord takes pity on me and gives me enough of a glimpse to keep on going. To at least keep making the attempt. And to know that even if I'm not firmly on the path it's still in sight.

Like when I go to tuck Maizie in at night and have to come back five minutes later because she is praying. And then I have to come back again.

Or when I walk by Petunia's door and find her with her head bowed over her scriptures, searching and learning nightly, more faithful than any of us.

Or when I go to the door to wave goodbye to my sons and find them in the car, heads bowed in quiet prayer as they leave for a road trip.

I don't write this because I want to be reassured that my children are wonderful. I already realize I have been blessed far more than I deserve. I write it because I imagine that sometimes you wonder too (and someday they will) and because I know with all my heart that Heavenly Father will show you/them the same tender mercies that he has shown me. And I don't want you/them to miss them or give up too soon.


~j. said...

I recall a time, just a little over ten years ago, when you and I were in the hall at church, desperately straining to hear any part of the RS lesson being given. Frustrated at the fact that I was spending most of my three hours in the hallway, simply listening in, I made a comment to you, something like, "Why do I even bother? I should just take her home, she could crawl around at our apartment and I wouldn't even have to worry about her. What a waste of time." You told me -- and this has ALWAYS stayed with me -- "You're here because we teach them that church is where we belong on Sundays."

You're such an awesome Mama. And you always know the right thing to say.

Sandy said...

Your writing is just beautiful. I am so glad I found you, (through you finding me on my blog). Seeing your children in prayer must be the most wonderful feeling. I think your writing is blessed, I hope people who are searching for something find you also.